The Popular Front for the Liberation of the C.P.S.A

(NOT ENOUGH PIANO WIRE)

Round and About

By Judas Iscariot

Every barman is working overtime this week as delegates literally paint the town red drinking themselves silly in orgies of self-congratulation at the downfall of the Moderati. But in the darkened corners of more discreet saloons promises are made and deals are struck.

Moderati supremo STUART CURRIE is now a “leader” without a throne but he’s putting a brave face on the Mods current humiliation – issuing statements to all and sundry and vowing to fight on – to first of all rally what troops he’s got left and make it clear to LES PRIESTLEY that they’re not going to play second fiddle to the MAD MONK’S IRMF bloc. The Revenue Me Firsters bagged five seats, which together with the four Moderati maidens gives them a bloc of nine on the NEC. PRIESTLEY expects to be “leader of the opposition” in the coming year and next year’s presidential challenger from the right. The Moderati have no choice, but they will definitely want a common joint slate for 2004 rather than the half-hearted endorsement they got from IRMF this time round.

They are vastly outnumbered by their foes. Left Unity holds 25 seats, though this includes 3 SOCIALIST CAUCUS and 2 SOCIALIST WANKERS and at least one member of the SECRET LEFT, the high-caste secret society run by the Commissar Party. Their “PCS Democrat” allies have 9, led by BOWMAN who is ultimately answerable to LORD UNDY, not forgetting one independent.

In theory LUNITY could be defeated if all the other factions combined against them. While this is not going to happen PRIESTLEY and BUNTER both hope that the Assorted Trots will soon fall on each other and give them an opening they can quickly exploit. Step forward CHARLIE McDONALD, National Secretary of the SOCIALIST CAUCUS who unleashed a torrent of abuse against his LUNITY allies as soon as the results were declared. Before the ink was dry CHARLIE was ranting on about “some senior grade leaders of the pseudo-left” and dismissing “the Socialist Party and the ‘Stalinist’ justifiers of totalitarian, anti-working class regimes in Eastern Europe, North Korea, Cuba and other ‘workers’ paradises’ in Left Unity”. RED BACON, CAROL MASSEY and JOHN MOLONEY will doubtless answer for their chief spokespersons rash remarks.

Despite his name McDONALD is a Londoner easily recognised by his barrow-boy accent and bulging eyes -- the sort of person who appears in newspapers alongside the caption “he later turned the gun on himself”.

Talking of which the CHRIS FRAUD saga goes on and on. The latest twist concerns the security guard who gave evidence first to say he saw nothing, changing his story later to finger FRAUD for assault on the PATHFINDER picket line. It turns out he was an illegal immigrant and he’s now been deported. Don’t know if he was a Ukrainian.

Word reaches me of the strange behaviour of one Michael DUGGAN at the MOD Conference in Scarborough.

Seems that the great man had had a small refreshment, and, having already been rescued by BOYLE from his attempts to pick a fight with a young lad about 10 feet taller than the Sarf Lunnon bruiser, had to be put to bed at about 4.am. This was not without difficulty. MARTIN, being a gentleman, removed DUGGANS glasses and trousers and put the glasses in the trouser pocket and hung the trousers on a chair to the accompaniment of MICKEY shouting he was being robbed and threatening to call the police.

Instead of passing out and waking up 4 hours later feeling like shit, in the approved manner, our hero instead decided that he was still thirsty and re-appeared in the bar half an hour later, dressed only in his underpants and demanding Chardonnay. Horrified bar staff understandably refused to serve him and roughly bundled the diminutive THUGGAN out of the Bar, only to find him a few minutes later, washing his hair in the ladies toilets. As one does.

Later that morning our hero failed to turn up at all for MOD GROUP CONFERENCE, locking himself in his hotel room and ignoring all calls, texts and entreaties from his GEC officers, who were forced to re-allocate all MICKEY's conference speeches for the day amid Emergency Motions calling for the reinstatement of RALPH GROVES led by COLONEL HARDING of the PFL FIRESTARTERS BRIGADE.

Only a hoax text from BELCHAMBER, alleging the sacking of the manager of CHELSEA FC, finally flushed the great man out of hiding. Hotly denying that he had in fact worn only his underpants in the bar the previous night, DRUNKEN insisted vehemently that he had in fact been wearing his glasses as well. Eye witnesses also say the former scourge of the TROTS lied about the glasses. He was later seen in the evening in his green Celtic supporters’ suit - the one with "I love the Pope" embroidered on the breast pocket.

MICKEY DUGGAN is 53. His contract says so.

The Islamic Left – “Prayers not Politics”

We welcome new talibs to this biennial annual madrassa. It is our custom to issue impartial Islamic assessment on the matters raised in the Conference agenda. These instructions take the form you see below. Most branches arrive mandated on most motions but where indicated, if your mandate conflicts with this advice, you should consider your duty to the Higher Authority.

Of course, we start the week on a sour note, with the racist election rules paraded under our noses. The race or ethnic origins of an individual has no bearing on his fitness for office. What we are entitled to know is their religion, or otherwise. Down to business.

A1&2 Yawn

A3 Oppose. We’ve all seen the damage too much equality can do.

A4 Suppose just for a moment, that London Weighting was not widely recognised as the biggest and longest running example of regional pay in the known universe. And that motion 2 is not passed. In that world, this motion might make sense.

A8 Oppose We already know what we need to know and its just another excuse for more public displays of gratuitous nudity. Or gratuitous displays of public nudity? Whatever it is, we’re against it.

A26 Oppose If recent events have not managed to convince the world that democracy is a thing of the past, and that Theocracy is the path of the future, then nothing will. Who won the war? The biggest theocracy on the planet. Don’t waste my time.

A28,29 Oppose What business is this of ours?

A32 Oppose, Move Next Business, Whatever Water under the bridge.

PFLCPSA NEWS
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thereupon bands of apes turned upon other bands of apes and transfixed one another with many thousands of pointed sticks - Kinesis 4.1 Boomer Bible