The Popular Front for the Liberation of the C.P.S.A
Round and About
By Judas Iscariot
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It’s been a dull day in sunny Brighton with all the faction bosses scrabbling around to strengthen their hands. The dregs of UNITY, a pale shadow of the SECRET LEFT in the old high-caste SOCIETY, have confined themselves to leaflets that nobody reads and a BORING STAR meeting that nobody apart from themselves will go to. The CARCASE has been raising money and trying to woo stragglers on the fringe of LUNITY while the BAUGH leadership fight to fend off sniping from the likes of LEE ROCK while planning their next moves in the battle against DWP Management. If they fail they’ll be blamed by all sides. If they win or even get a good draw the CARCASE will try and take the credit for it. |
These are problems that the PRIESTLEY camp does not have to worry about. WILDE’S been working overtime with EUERS drumming up support for the new alliance with the former Moderati.
| MOIRA CAMPBELL has more or less squared the JOCKOCRACY and MARTIN BOYLE was kept fully informed when he came down on Wednesday. They haven’t agreed on a name though many of LES’S followers prefer “PCS MAINSTREAM” for obvious reasons. Nor have they agreed on a programme though it shouldn’t be too much trouble for PRIESTLEY, EUERS and WILDE to cobble together a “centre” manifesto pitched at high-castes and low-grades alike, based on what JAKE is putting out in his IRMF leaflets. They have three immediate objectives: to first of all win part or all of the UNDERLINGS over; secondly to mount a spirited campaign in next year’s elections to increase their presence on the NEC and the third is to prepare to mount a challenge to MARK SERWOTKA when his re-election comes up. No decision has been made about who the challenger will be but GRAHAM STEEL seems to be the likely candidate. |
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Talking about knife-work our DCA correspondent reports the stitch-up in the DCA Group elections. The old balance of powerconsisted of an 11/11 split between ROB JAMIESON’S “independent” group and the TROTS leaving Rob with the casting vote. Because two of Rob’s followers were hospitalised the TROTS pushed for the vote and captured key facility time posts. They then told JAMIESON that if he could get the two hospital cases to resign one of his own cronies could have one of the vacancies in return for calling up two more TROTS to the GEC. |
Incidentally we have been informed that the potential beneficiary in the BRYANT affair is not CATH COLBECK but TED EUERS himself. EUERS was the runner-up in the Revenue elections and we are happy to clear up any misunderstanding.
The high-spot of the night was undoubtedly KARAOKE NIGHT organised by the ANTI-BUNTER COALITION. A lot of large people sat around drinking and the only notarati was CURRIE’S mole JOHN WARD. Nothing happened and they all went home.
THE YORKSHIRE SOVIET SURVIVORS pub-crawl did take place but not without incident.
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Stuart Harding |
Debi Bleines |
Keith Haggar |
Steve Etheridge |
Stopping in one of Brighton’s many GAY bars Colonel HARDING mislaid his Conference bag. But when he asked one of the regulars whether he had seen “an old black bag with PCS written on it” he was met with amusement and scorn. HAGGAR was propositioned at least four times and ETHERIDGE twice much to the fury of PREDATORY GAY JONATHAN SHIPMAN who was totally ignored. By the way, the delightful young lady being fondled by SHITMAN the other night was none other than DEBI BLEINES.
MARTIN CAVANAGH thought he’d hit the jackpot in Wetherspoon’s last night. After a DWP GEC meeting he accidentally picked up the wrong bag (one of these silly Conference bags that seem to be causing so much trouble) and when he opened it he found that it contained two grand (YES, TWO THOUSAND POUNDS). Further examination of the contents revealed that the bag belonged to SIAN RUDDICK and the money was the tithing from the LEFT UNITY meeting. DAVE RICHARDS told MARTIN to order champagne all round but wiser elements advised against it on the grounds that SIAN would know exactly who had done it. You can imagine the look on SIAN’s face when she opened MARTIN’S bag and found that all it contained was some papers, a used pair of underpants and NO MONEY.
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Conferencegoers will be pleased to learn how to get free drinks at the DUDLEY HOTEL. Just put them on the tab of ROOM 101. We all know from GEORGE ORWELL’S seminal work “1984” that Room 101 contains your worst nightmare. This one contains MICKEY DUGGAN. |
Michael Duggan |
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DAVID COPPERFIELD TO "SAW NATIONAL MODERATE GROUP IN HALF"
A final solution
to the seemingly intractable division between the Stuart Currie and Anti-Bunter
Coalition communities of the NMG was announced yesterday as David Copperfield
confirmed that as a part of his next magic show in late June he would
"use the forces of mind control, dextrous hand movements and a 47
inch Stihl power saw" to separate Currie from the ABC.
The audacious plan to tear the two halves of the faction asunder comes
after Les Priestley, the Leader of the IRMF, had to be physically restrained
from attempting to split the faction apart with "a woodman's axe,
a splitting wedge and a large sledgehammer." Mr Priestley had sneaked
into the Moderati Ball at midnight to vent his frustration after Currie
vetoed his plans to unify the two communities.
On being prevented from implementing his "permanent separation"
Mr Priestley then proposed a further set of strategies to "give the
NMG the future it deserved." These included "towing it out to
sea and sinking it, using it as a French nuclear test site, setting it
up as a SARS research community" and, most controversially, "offering
it the protection of a UN defence force, similar to those used in Rwanda
or Srebrenica".
Only after being forced to abandon these ideas did Mr Priestley return
to the plan for physically separating the faction. Mr Priestley made initial
attempts to implement this by purchasing a set of "Acme Earthquake
Seeds" after witnessing their effectiveness in a Road Runner cartoon.
On being advised that these may be a "little hard to come by"
he then contacted David Copperfield having watched the beetle-browed conjurer
make the Statue of Liberty disappear "before my very eyes" on
a video of highlights from Mr Copperfield's act.
Mr Copperfield has already begun assembling the set for the "Giant
Saw of Moderati Separation" as the act will be known. Once separated,
Mr Copperfield has also offered, for an extra fee, to cloak the whole
of Stuart Currie in a giant satin curtain and make him disappear completely.
If the act is successful, Mr Copperfield promises to take the show on
the road and use it to deliver peace to other communities riven by hate.
He has already received bookings from other PCS factions, although he
concedes that Left Unity will require a special jigsaw attachment in order
to "cut out all of the fiddly little bits that make up the Socialist
Caucus."
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The Fundamentals
“Prayers Are Politics”
Motion A63 - Oppose
The Good Book reminds us "A whip for the horse, a bridle for the
ass and a rod for the fool's back" (Proverbs 26:3) This is a problem
of our own Making. And it will go away if and when we restore God’s
natural order and end the Privatisation of the Family (POF).
Motion A64 +72,73,74 - Oppose
Remember the parable of the Talents. Your income after retirement is between
you and your tax accountant. Company pensions should be an option, not
an obligation.
Motion A65 - Oppose
Now they’re trying to privatise the Union!
Motion A66 - Oppose
There is no excuse for forcing everyone to retire at the same age. God
tells us all when our work is done and calls us home to rest.
Motion A69, 92, 99 - Oppose
POF. They don’t give up, do they.
Motion A70 - Oppose
Satan’s motion of the day - actively promotes the destruction of
the Family. Cast it into the eternal hellfires.
Motion A76 - Oppose
Typical liberal ghetto mentality.
Motion A77 - Oppose
Haven’t young people got better things to do, like getting married,
having Families and establishing their careers?
Motion A90 - Oppose
Overt politicisation. This is not what the members pay their subs for.
Motion A91 - Oppose
They don’t even try to hide their motives. This one demands direct
support for a bunch of Communist Atheists against the interests of God’s
people. Unbelievable!
Motion A94 - Oppose
Robin Hood tactics might have been justifiable in the middle ages but
they’re hardly appropriate today!
Motion A96 - Oppose
They’ll be demanding a Union Rep in every Family next!
Motion A97 - Oppose
We opposed it then and we’ll oppose it till the end of time. The
workplace is not the place for Political Parties. That way lies Communism.
Motion A102 - Oppose
If the Union chooses to expel all those members whose Christian conscience
tells them that the Strike weapon is an outmoded 19th century confrontational
tactic with no place in the modern world, well so be it! Let the last
one out turn off the lights.
Motion A106 - Oppose
We spend all our time trying to squeeze more money out of the Treasury
for the benefit of our members and when they offer some, we spit in their
faces? Crazy.
Motion A130 - Oppose
Whatever happened to the notion of a Secret Ballot? This naked factionalism
would allow Big Brother to learn how we all voted.
“What do you
call a man who swims the Channel with no arms or legs?”
“Clever Dick” – (HARDING)
PFLCPSA NEWS
Probationary Martyr Status will be awarded in the usual fashion to the
first delegate who announces our triumphant return with an appropriate
PFL Point of Order. It is by far the quickest way to advertise our eternal
presence, but novices should not sacrifice their Conference careers for
our sake. Sitting in our usual position in the Bar seems to work just
as well and only slightly more slowly.
Routine reports should be filed with one of the Brothers during office hours. Final debriefing in the OLD SHIP at 10 pm every evening. Deep cover agents in possession of our secret codes can send copy through up until 3 am.
Official Tacky T-Shirts are now available from Senior Officers, temptingly
priced at £10. Costs Continue to Rise
Come On. Cough up For Christ’s sake! Cash preferred - all denominations
and currencies. Please make cheques and standing orders payable to PFLCPSA.
By all means, give donations to the bearded chap with the walking stick,
Oxfam suit and appalling snuff habit - but remember to slip some in the
pot for us as well. Remember - we rely on you to bring us all the news
thats unfit for print. If you have valuable information to offer simply
approach one of the Brothers with an appropriate supplication. This will
guarantee your place by His side.
The Website is up and running (since 1978) at www.pflcpsa.com
"And why beholdest thou the mote that is in
thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?"
Matthew 7:3 - Revised Aramco