The Popular Front for the Liberation of the C.P.S.A

Longer days… daffodils on the green…turning down the central heating. Yes Spring is definitely in the air. Well it is for some like TONY COMMIE and BATTLEMUCH who have been put on the payroll to allow them to graze on the Falconcrest clover for a few years before retirement. But not for MARK HAMMOND or SUE KENDAL, the victimised union officers who've lost their appeals and now face an uncertain future on the dole...

MARK SERWOTKA and JOHN McINALLY like to talk tough but fate of these two Home Office reps is the real measure of the impotence of PCS these days in the face of a vindictive employer. The Trots, by encouraging their foolhardiness, were largely responsible for them being sacked, hence the hand wringing, wailing and gnashing of teeth now. Hammond used to be one of the biggies in PCS 21 - a mainstream independent opposition to Left Unity in HO. LUNITY promised him the Group Presidency if he signed up with them. Now all they can do is organise an online petition and lobby MPs…

Lesson 1 : Do not slag off senior management types in print. "Bride of Chucky" is not yet universally recognised as a term of endearment.

Lesson 2 : Especially if they happen to be in the “ISU”. You might have thought HO reps had learned lesson 2 already after they were forced to take down their mildly satirical "ISU To You" website some years ago (a copy of it is on the PFL website http://www.pflcpsa.com/isu01/welcome.htm - they couldn't work out how to threaten us).

Still life must go on and it certainly does at FALCONCREST where the only question on everyone's lips is “Who is DAVID McEVOY?”. You may well ask. He's the man who sent out redundancy notices to all the Union Learning Project Officers on 23rd December. He tactlessly forgot to mention any plans for re-allocation or redundancy support in his personal contribution to the season of goodwill. This was later rectified but not before the angry rumbles in the FALCON and the ALL BAR ONE had reached the ears of our great and glorious leader.

In fact the new deal's not so bad after-all. MARIE MORGAN gets an officer band 4 job to say thanks for all your hard work. The rest are, of course, staying on band 3, because PCS has no funds. There is even a rumour that the PCS taxi firm has been switched as bills kept getting paid late. What do you mean, you didn't know PCS uses taxis to transport the great and good and porcine?

Does McEVOY he have an exit strategy for the end of this years funds? No, of course not, though by then staff will have been on temporary contracts long enough to qualify as permanent staff, so it won't be his problem.

MC EVOY is lining himself up as KIM BURRIDGE'S replacement. She is now rarely seen off Facebook http://www.facebook.com/kim.burridge er, sorry, out of her office, where she does indeed seem to manage through her 325 FB “friends”. MCEvoy fancies himself as her replacement next year when KIM hits 65 and toddles off to retirement with dear old Pat CAMPBELL.

Now whatever happened to dear old PAT? She not been back in Falconcrest since getting stiffed over her leaving do, the only SNO to go without a goodbye party.

Who did she piss off? Yes, you've guessed it - anytime there's a mean spirited gesture you can always count on CHRIS BAUGH.

Back at the ranch BOB BARRON is apparently still a delight as GMB@ PCS chair. But "come back JEREMY!" seems to be the cry these days. BOB even makes JEZZA GAUTREY look good, which of course he was compared to the utterly useless BARRON.

BOB is the only negotiator that PCS refuses to allow out to negotiate. He's not allowed near reps or members as his fatuous grandstanding just pisses them off. As for their managers they refuse to meet with him and we pay him how much? He's got himself 100 per cent facility time which suits PCS . He's safe indoors and messing up the GMB rather than PCS business. This is what's known as a win-win situation.

NIGEL “PIEMAN” PIERCE, the hated HR supremo is back and continues as the harbinger of doom. I knew it would end in tears as he cackles around the pyre of GMB@ PCS agreements. For a fat lad he can certainly run rings around BARRON.

Any idea how many grievances/complaints are in at HQ? My man says 20! Yes 20 – that's possibly rounding up from 16 plus three Employment Tribunal cases (against our great and glorious union).

They mount up as Pierce and his henchmen find ways to upset staff over, over, well petty bollocks really that any rep worth their salt could fix in a meeting. But no, Pierce is angry at being the Butt (geddit?) and wants revenge on anybody and anybody he thinks he can get at…

CORKY is still on track to be the national organiser and his Napoleon impression is spot on these days, but poor old Jim HANSON is in hot water again. He's on his last legs and has had another warning. Lovely bloke, the bar staff will miss him.

How many GMB branch council members have resigned in the past year? You'd be surprised and there's more to come…

So what did happen in Exeter ? One band 4 left to join the NUT . One got very early retirement, another was yanked back to Clapham Junction under a cloud and a band 4 parachuted in from Newcastle as MYVC organiser. It's all very odd, leaving the regional organiser post vacant, which means, according to the man on the proverbial Clapham omnibus, that Exeter has become the graveyard of careers.

Meanwhile In Birmingham “Mr England ” aka as CHRIS 'Hello John, want a new motor?” MAY, did narrowly avoid a grievance against him but there's more on the way as his favouritism is beginning to show. Again: watch who he gives jobs to ladies.

In the worst, darkest end days of RAMSBLADDER there was silence in the corridors of power at FALCONCREST. Those days are back my friends…

It's good to trust others but not to do so is much better.

Benito Mussolini

1883-1945

OTHER PAGES

BRITISH GAS TO SELL PETROL

British Gas has today announced it is to expand its energy business into the petrol retail market. It will shortly be seeking suitable sites throughout the country and aims to revolutionise the forecourt with an innovative pricing structure.

Petrol and diesel will be sold by the litre, according to E.U. regulations, but the customer will be billed by the traditional gallon. The Imperial gallon for loyalty card holders, the American gallon otherwise. The first 343 fl. oz will be charged at a comparatively high rate compared to the much cheaper subsequent fluid inches, at least for the following 23.437 quarts. However, if a firkin or more is purchased the whole will be calculated at the advertised rate per Jeroboam. Rather than paying at the forecourt you will be required to telephone a special number in Mumbai where a charming and well-educated young man will allow you to listen to a long medley of old hits before he tries to explain how your bill is calculated.

“We feel that, together with our array of vouchers and promotional offers with Nectar and AirMiles available if you register online, in combination with our triple fuel deals, we will be offering real choice and a uniquely special shopping experience for our customers” said a couple of people who knocked on the door at dinner time.

PRIVATE JET TAX "LAST STRAW" FOR THUNDERBIRDS

International Rescue, forced to curtail its activities in recent years because of rocketing fuel prices, says Chancellor George Osborne's proposed private jet tax is one regulatory burden too far and will make cessation of operations inevitable.

Proprietor Jeff Tracy said that the burden of red tape and high taxation had become too much for owner-managed small businesses such as Thunderbirds. ‘We were forced offshore in the first place by petty planning regulations,' he said. ‘I had identified a perfect site near Coventry with excellent access and communications, but we failed to satisfy a needs test after a public consultation, not to mention problems with protected newts.

‘And then the offshore tax advantages have been steadily eroded by a series of new anti-avoidance measures. We can't even accept big donations any more because of disclosure requirements: it turned out that one of our main benefactors was our arch-enemy The Hood, laundering his ill-gotten gains. Imagine if that had got out.'

Mr Tracy said that the loss of charitable status – after accusations of elitism because they only undertook spectacularly dangerous rescues – had hit Thunderbirds hard, and the 20% VAT charge had been crippling. Added to that was their inability to rescue children without first submitting to criminal records checks and, more recently, the end of the organisation's opt-out from the Working Time Directive. ‘You get situations where the lads have to interrupt a rescue mission to take a seven hour break – it causes havoc with our scheduling.'

Another problem had been the unforeseen growth in mobile communications. ‘We used to find it simple to monitor the airwaves for distress calls,' said John Tracy from space station Thunderbird 5, but now you get so many prank mobile calls and tweets you don't know what's what any more. And our communicator wrist watches used to be pretty cool, but people just laugh at them now.'

Jeff Tracy said his only hope now, after the defection of Lady Penelope to the Socialist Workers Party, was an offer of support from fellow exile Lord Ashcroft. ‘He's offered to pull a few strings,' said Mr Tracy.

RECENT SCREENSHOT FROM BBC NEWS WEBSITE

This one's true, it stayed there for 20 mins until someone noticed. I'll draw item 5 to your attention (although I also like items 2 & 6). Barrabas.

Pip! Pip!