The Popular Front for the Liberation of the C.P.S.A

ROUND AND ABOUT

by Judas Iscariot - Late July 2011

We raise a fuss, we raise a holler about a workin' all summer just to try to earn a dollar and there certainly ain't no summertime blues in the trenches following the Big Push on 30 th June which, if nothing else, shocked the Cameron Government because it actually took place.

Our new allies covered themselves in glory. Though PCS turnout was slightly up compared to previous offensives the laurels, and most of the news coverage went to the teachers and lecturers who came out closing schools and colleges up and down the country in the biggest strike since the Second World War. But the enthusiasm of London students who joined our pickets on their way to support their lecturers brought cheery smiles to the activists left to man the lines while the rest of the membership buggered off to do the garden for the day.

There were, of course, the usual blunders. If House of Commons members had downed tools there would have been embarrassing moments for some Labour MPs at the picket lines. But they didn't because Chateau Falconcrest failed to notify local Management in time of their intention to hold a strike ballot and therefore none was held.

Though the grandees stressed the need for solidarity this clearly did not apply to 4TM or at least the hapless DI BREEN whose offer to speak at her own strike rally on the day was brusquely turned down in preference to ROB WILLIAMS by JANICE who texted her to say:

Why should I let you speak to members given the lies and insults your grouping spews out on your website you and your colleagues have been treated with respect on the NEC but don't take me for a mug enough is enough and I will be happy to let members know the reason.

Doubtless this will feature in HOWARD FULLER'S next boring newsletter but there are much graver problems facing 4TM these days. The reported defection of SIMON COLLIS to the Democrats, presumably to bag one of their vacancies in the BIG TENT following the departure of STEVE COMER , is another nail in their coffin.

Talking of Democrats, the new VEEP PAULA BROWN was puzzled by the avalanches of of text messages she was receiving on her PCS supplied BlackBerry advising her of sales at Harvey Nicks, Harrods, Selfridges and a whole host of other posh stores. Finally, the penny dropped - the device used to be allocated to our GLENYS...

At Falconcrest the grandees are gearing up for another push in the autumn possibly in conjunction with Unite and Unison. But inside the dark corridors of power the schemes and plots of the full-timers to further their careers or enhance their redundancy pay-offs continues as if nothing has happened. TONY "Commie" CONWAY is the latest elderly LU hack to be appointed to see out his remaining time in luxury as a FT Officer on more money than he was previously earning. That means PCS subs will be used to ultimately rid ourselves of him instead of his Department that had made him surplus but wouldn't cough up enough redundo. It's who you know, you know.

The campaign against DOUG McEVOY continues...mysteriously some grievances against him have been dropped. There was a mutter of a drinks/meal session one night oop north, where around the table were three folks who've cost us over 150k – not including pensions. Maybe not unconnected to this, two ET's have been quietly dropped, grievances shelved & desks cleared in Falconcrest/regional offices.

There is talk of 'clearing the Augean stables' though the reality seems to be to get rid of thorns in the sides of grandees who can't bear to have open discussion or have any of their increasingly despotic decisions questioned. It would be funny if this wasn't our own union: all those being paid off are GMB stalwarts...

McEVOY is struggling to find a continuing friend in NIGEL PIERCE, the universally loathed HR Supremo. The PIEMAN is increasingly getting fed up with having to rescue GODBOY's inabilities to manage/work to further our trade union ideals.

McEVOY, a Christian Brother fond of 'God willing' as a parting mot choisant, has yet to recognise that anybody with any intellectual abilities ends up in dispute with him and has so far been bailed out by Mr PASTRY or cash from our funds for them to fuck off into the darkness. DOUG maintains that 'I am only doing my best'. It's a pity for us that his best is such dross.

It would appear that once again our predictions are spot on. In this year's Thursday Conference Bulletin we wrote that the Socialist Party faction in Left Unity were preparing to ditch old high-caste NUCPS Tankies DAVE ALSTON and LAURA MARTIN from next year's DWP GEC list. Both have now seen the light and taken early retirement.

ALSTON, a pillar of the SECRET LEFT, was the DWP TU Side Secretary, a post he managed to secure despite the self proclaimed interest in that post by loyal but uninspiring Militant Tendency / Socialist Party adherent ALISON CARASS. Nobody is going to secure a post such as this without SP support so obviously ALSTON won the nod over one their own as:

a) a show of inter faction goodwill within Left Unity; or

b) SP realised CARASS was simply not up to the job and nobody else was interested.

This year however when nominations for DWP TU Secretary were being sought SP members were quick and insistent that ALSTON was not nominated. Their chosen candidate was not last year's also-ran CARASS but GEC new boy IAN BARTHOLEMEW of DWP Sheffield.

This faith in BARTHOLEMEW'S abilities put paid to the no doubt malicious rumours that he was only supported for the GEC as a gesture (two or one fingered, take your choice) to the rag-bag of Independent Left members who make up a such a visible chunk of the DWP Sheffield Branch. Despite the presence of LEE ROCK , BEV LAIDLAW, TOM BISHELL and ROSIE HUZZARD (the latter three all DWP GEC candidates), BART managed to secure the Left Unity slate as the Branch nominations in this year's DWP GEC elections, thus raising chutzpah to the new level of "eat my shorts".

Also no doubt untrue is the rumour that BART was only pushed for the TU Secretary post as he is based in Sheffield and that is where the Industrial Relations Offices are based. As such he would not mind moving from his Local Office to the Head Office building which houses the Management Side Office and indeed the Trade Union Side Office.

Traditionally the TU Side Secretary has based themselves in the TU Side Office. (For ease of access to Management, less costs travelling to meetings, less time spent travelling to meetings, management of TU Side Office and staff, etc, etc.)

However, ALSTON had insisted on basing himself in some Essex hick town so not really fulfilling the role to which he was elected.

Whether this, general incompetence, or just political unacceptability is the reason behind him being ditched is still unclear.

BREAKING NEWS

Chris Baugh has decided that CPSA and PCS pensioners will in future have their pension increases calculated using CPI rather than RPI. This rather makes a mockery of the PCS stance against the government's imposition of the change on Civil Servants pensions. CSPA and ARMS members are puzzled as to why a so-called socialist and senior officer of any trade union would adopt and impose a retrograde Tory policy. We've become part of the race to the bottom, it seems.

As to you, sir, treacherous to private friendship (for so you have been to me, and that in the day of danger) and a hypocrite in public life, the world will be puzzled to decide whether you are an apostate or an imposter, whether you have abandoned good principles or whether you ever had any.

Thomas Paine

1737 - 1809

SPEAKING CLOCK LATEST VICTIM OF PHONE HACKING... AND TEETH WHITENING IN SURREY

by Barrabas

Curious things happen on picket lines, you can anticipate that the Police might turn up to offer some friendly advice. But arriving in unmarked cars with blue lights flashing and accusing Mild Mannered Martyr Super Stan Stennett and Barrabas of being anarchists was quite surreal. We lied and said we weren't. They checked their big list of well known naughty people, supplied by the Daily Mail, but we didn't appear on it. This coincided with the appearance out of nowhere of a Surrey Comet reporter (who managed to get Stan's statement to him wrong, but never mind). I can't help feeling that the 2 events were connected. Our colleagues picketing the rear staff entrance were blissfully unaware of the fun at the front of the building. After the circus had departed, a senior manager emerged from the office to assure us that calling in the Sweeney was nothing to do with them. I told her we knew that because none of her team would have the wit to pull such a stunt, which went down as you might expect, and she huffed her way back inside the office.

Anyway, this piece appeared in their online newspaper later in the morning:

Hacking pics out of Facebook (you can't download them) is OK as long as it's from JANICE's page. She posted this picture in the wake of new boy DEREK THOMPSON's first full NEC. See, you didn't know she has a sense of humour, did you? OK, her text message reported by Judas demonstrates some dry, knowing wit, but this is good childlike stuff.

The Falconcrest canteen has now been instructed to produce deep fried Mars bars 'n' haggis and Irn Bru on NEC days so that the JOCK DELBOY doesn't have to eat/drink sassenach junk. (He brought the "Caledonian" water bottle with him after pouring away the contents and refilling with "Buckie", a favoured breakfast beverage in Glesga.)

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Haye retires from boxing citing "workplace bullying"

True to his word that he would retire before his 31st birthday in September, having already accomplished all he set out to do, former WBA heavy-weight champion David Haye announced today that he has quit the ring. However, his early bow out is not apparently for the reason previously given; and defiantly not because he has made an absolute show of himself recently.

Along with the retirement announcement, the London based fighter's agent also released a document containing a catalogue of verbal, physical and emotional abuse allegedly suffered by the 6' 4'' pugilist during his time in the sport. The manuscript, claims Haye, is evidence of a glittering career cut short by relentless workplace bullying.

Extracts from the document, penned by Haye himself, read: ‘…I couldn't go on anymore…I lived in total dread of attending work. Sometimes I would contemplate hurting myself so I wouldn't have to go in…'

…each day would be the same. As soon as I arrived I would be asked to complete menial, repetitive tasks. I would be told to lift heavy objects and other arduous, back breaking duties. There was never any obvious practical use for what I was doing. I was also made to dance around in nothing but a pair of small shorts, while loud rock music was played in the background – all this, while at the same time being shouted at to “work harder,” and “move faster.” I can only assume that this practice was an attempt to ritually humiliate me.'

But worse was to come for Haye. The account goes on to describe how he would be routinely physically assaulted by colleagues and, occasionally, being sent to work abroad where he would be forced to toil under hot lights while being jeered at by drunken invited onlookers.

Sources in the publishing world have already leaked rumours of a ghost written memoir based on Haye's harrowing account to be titled: ‘Hitting the Haye: A Tale of Bullying in the Workplace.'

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Pip! Pip!